THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK

• I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a fuck.
• How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
• It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• Ahhh, I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
• I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
• Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
• What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
• No, my powers can only be used for good.
• I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
• You sound reasonable......time to up my medication.
• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
• I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
• Who me? I just wander from room to room.

Useful Expressions for those HIGH STRESS days

• Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine?
• Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
• Do I look like a fucking people person?
• This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
• I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
• You! Off my planet!!
• Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
• I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
• Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
• And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
• How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
• Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
• I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
• When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
• Earth is full, Go home