Things that change when you leave Uni

• 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep
• Having sex in a single bed is absurd
• You keep more food than beer in the fridge
• Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all
• You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital
• You know all of the people sleeping in your house
• You hear your favourite song in the lift at work
• Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy
• The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more
• You carry an umbrella
• Seven-day benders are no longer realistic
• You don't go to Tesco's with all your friends
• You have standing orders and direct debits
• The heating works in your house
• Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together andbreak-up
• You pay the government thousands of pounds every year
• You go from 130 days of holidays to 20
• Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'
• You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo
• You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining
• Washing up is not an annual ritual
• Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you
• You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore
• Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up
• You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds
• You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps
• You don't put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later
• You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub crawls
• You hate scrounging students
• You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk
• Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no
• You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'
• You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub
• You always know where you are when you wake up
• You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m
• A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh
• You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits
• A £3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'
• You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to
• You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time
• You don't have mice living in your kitchen
• Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager
• You don't go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka
• You have hoovered
• Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone
• 'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to drink that much again'
• Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work
• You don't experiment with banned substances
• You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub
• You don't find a "dump" left in the toilet hysterically funny anymore