Things that change when you leave Uni
- 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep
- Having sex in a single bed is absurd
- You keep more food than beer in the fridge
- Your fantasies of having sex with three women with
lesbian tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having
sex with anyone at all
- You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local
hospital
- You know all of the people sleeping in your house
- You hear your favourite song in the lift at work
- Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy
- The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any
more
- You carry an umbrella
- Seven-day benders are no longer realistic
- You don't go to Tesco's with all your friends
- You have standing orders and direct debits
- The heating works in your house
- Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together
andbreak-up
- You pay the government thousands of pounds every year
- You go from 130 days of holidays to 20
- Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'
- You're the one calling the police because those damn kids
next door won't turn down the stereo
- You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining
- Washing up is not an annual ritual
- Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around
you
- You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore
- Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up
- You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds
- You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps
- You don't put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat
later
- You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub
crawls
- You hate scrounging students
- You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs
when drunk
- Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no
- You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'
- You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub
- You always know where you are when you wake up
- You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m
- A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh
- You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not
condoms and pregnancy test kits
- A £3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'
- You can remember the name of the person you wake up next
to
- You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time
- You don't have mice living in your kitchen
- Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of
lager
- You don't go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka
- You have hoovered
- Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone
- 'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm
never going to drink that much again'
- Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is
for real work
- You don't experiment with banned substances
- You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going
to a pub
- You don't find a "dump" left in the toilet
hysterically funny anymore